


Machine Learning

by bottombitch



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Comeplay, Dirty Talk, F/M, Mutual Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 14:55:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20707877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bottombitch/pseuds/bottombitch
Summary: EDI and Joker's sex life comes to an abrupt halt when they realise that his condition is going to get in the way, but Joker has a suggestion to get around it. Anonymous commission.





	Machine Learning

The door to Joker's room closed, and with the control she had over the ship EDI locked it. The two of them had been careful to make sure that nobody saw them, because the last thing they needed were questions as to why they were heading into Joker's room together, in the evening, after spending the last few hours flirting back and forth. Joker would have liked to assume that nobody would be paying enough attention to notice that, but gossip spread like wildfire amongst the Normandy's crew; people were still talking about how they swore the commander and Miranda had been seen holding hands, and that had been weeks ago. Who knew that the potential end of all life in the galaxy would be so slow?

Joker took careful steps over to his bed, and as he settled against the mattress he glanced over at EDI, turning his attention away from his frail body in order to keep an eye on her. He trusted her, more than he trusted most of the other people aboard the ship, but that didn't mean that he understood her; she was still an A.I., after all, and despite the development of her personality since she'd been given a body of her own there were still a plethora of things she didn't understand, or she couldn't emulate.

She glanced around his room, examining things far too closely for his liking. She moved between them seemingly at random, from prized possessions to discarded documents to cups he'd forgotten to take back to the mess hall.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked, with all the sarcasm his tone usually carried; he didn't sound malicious, however.

"It's odd seeing things from this angle. Usually I have to settle for whatever the cameras can pick up for me," she replied, turning her attention away from Joker's things to instead glance towards him.

"Are you admitting that you've been spying on me?" Joker asked. It didn't bother him; it wasn't as if he had anything to hide.

"Yes, I suppose so," she answered, moving over towards the bed. The sexual side of their relationship had always been... vague. EDI understood very little of human sexuality in an actually applicable way, and Joker didn't have a clue how to approach such a unique woman. Despite that, there was an obvious tension between them, and as Joker sat on one end of the bed, EDI on the other, the tension returned. Neither knew what words to use.

Fortunately, they didn't have to find them. Biology did most of the work for them, along with some unsavoury thoughts that Joker had been having about EDI's body. A perfect blend of all the things he found sexy in a woman, but not so perfect that she would seem unnatural. The erection he gave himself threatened to burst its way out of his pants, forming a tent that EDI couldn't have ignored even if she knew how to.

"Ah..." she said, sounding surprised. Joker raised his eyebrow, and she picked up on the irregularity of her statement. "What I mean to say is: I didn't expect you to become erect so soon," she told him, before reaching a hand out towards him with no shame or doubt in herself. She gripped him from the outside of his pants, and any snarky comments that Joker had been holding onto slipped away once she made contact with his member. Moving through motions that she only had theoretical understandings of, EDI moved herself closer, and then kept her hand on the bulge in his pants as she moved herself onto his lap. She rubbed, and rubbed, and then began to move her body further down, until...

Joker let out a wince, and then shuffled himself away a little. EDI was quick to shift herself off him, sitting back on the opposite side of the bed. She moved her hand from his crotch in the process, worried for his well-being. "What was that? Is everything alright?" she asked him.

He had been expecting his condition to get in the way of sex, but had been hoping that he'd get lucky, or that he could just ignore it. No dice. Sighing to himself, he pinched his nose. "Yeah, I'm fine. You were doing everything right, it just... hurt a lot more than I thought it would. I dunno if I'm gonna be able to do this."

Joker's psychological evaluations suggested that he had a tendency to give in to his own insecurities. If other people were in danger, he'd often push himself through whatever barriers laid ahead, but for the sake of himself he was happy to suffer. There was a moment of silence between the two of them, and then EDI spoke up.

"Perhaps there's some way that I can help you without... the risk of hurting you," she suggested. She didn't have confidence in what she was suggesting, but she knew that humans liked to masturbate, and if there was some way that she could help him with that, she wanted to; her own sexual gratification was an afterthought.

Though Joker's initial thought was to make a joke about her suggestion, as he thought about what she'd said, he couldn't help but get into the idea. It had been a while since he'd last been able to get excited over porn — perhaps dirty talk had been exactly what he'd been looking for. "Do you think you could— agh, this is gonna sound dumb. Could you, like, talk dirty to me?" he asked her, knowing that he should have picked more obvious wording but unable to think of the words to use. He was hard again, the mere thought getting him excited. As he brought a hand down to massage his hardening member, he ran his eyes along EDI's body. It wasn't a surprise that it was sexy; it had been designed, after all, rather than randomly created from a bunch of pre-determined factors, but still...

"Talk dirty to you?" she asked him, her tone suggesting that she had no idea what he was talking about.

Not one to be deterred, Joker continued stroking himself slowly through the fabric of his pants. He bit down gently on his lower lip as his gaze ran along her form again, pausing at her face. "Yeah... like, talk sexy." There was another moment of silence between the two of them, and Joker was worried for a moment that he'd gone too far, but then EDI moved forward, crossing her legs as she moved onto the bed fully, sitting across from him. Her robotic eyes caught his gaze and, as they had many times before, fooled him into thinking that they were every bit as human as his. He could read emotion from them, even if sometimes there wasn't actually any there, and right now he read one word: arousal.

EDI knew that she had to be careful. Arousal was a fragile thing, and if she said the wrong thing she might risk turning him off entirely. She had never tried talking sexy before, though she wasn't a stranger to the concept; the microphones built into the ship had picked up more than a few awkward encounters between members of the crew, be it mere flirtation or actual sex. Many of the crew's members, from the commander himself to regular members stationed around the Normandy, had commented on how sexy they found her voice. As she prepared herself to speak, she drew all the knowledge she'd picked up over the years to the forefront of her mind.

"I want to... I want to see it," she told him, mixing a blend of something she knew he'd like — a lust for his cock — and a genuine desire to see what it looked like. She could have seen it before, of course, but the few decency clauses her programming included kept things such as the crew members' private parts under lock and key, within reason anyway. Her hesitation had been exaggerated, meant to invoke a naivety that she hoped he'd enjoy.

He felt his member twitch beneath him, and without hesitation he moved his hand higher to unzip his pants. As he pulled his cock out, it sprung upwards, and it took all of the restraint that EDI had to not lean forward and take a closer look. A little over average length and thick to boot, what he was packing was impressive. She pushed back her curiosity and turned her focus back to him, her lips parted slightly as she felt her cheeks flush; she hadn't even intended for that to happen. "I love the way it looks," she told him, to which he wrapped a hand around himself and began to masturbate.

Leaning back against the bed, he maintained his eye contact with her as he stroked himself, pleasure rising and falling with bursts of quicker stroking that only lasted for a brief moment before he had to pause again. "Just looking at it makes me want to taste it, savour all of the different aspects of your unique flavour," she continued. Her hand pressed against his knee, and then ran higher, but she didn't go any further than halfway up his thigh, her hand settling in place. "Sexual contact isn't something that many AIs of my kind get to enjoy, but you make me want to experiment."

After she had finished speaking, her gaze fell back down towards his cock again; she watched as he stroked himself, a ball of precum building at the tip. She ran her tongue against her upper lip, before realising that she could use that to her advantage. As she leaned over him a little, being careful not to apply pressure to any part of him that might hurt, she opened her mouth, letting him see the inside. She didn't need to eat, but her mouth produced saliva all-the-same, and as she thought about tasting his cock her mouth grew wetter.

A moment later, seemingly at the sight of it, Joker let out a short moan of pleasure. The sound sent vibrations of pleasure through EDI's body, and she had to pause momentarily to figure out what had just happened. As Joker continued, his gaze running down her body to further appreciate the curves, another soft moan left him, and EDI let a moan slip in turn; it was as if the sounds of his pleasure were prompting her own. Her confusion was visible in her expression, but Joker didn't notice, and he didn't stop.

"Keep going," he managed, between huffed breaths that occasionally led to a small moan. Wanting to feel more of the pleasure she'd just experienced, she re-affirmed her hand's grip on his thigh and continued speaking.

"You look so hard. Did I do that?" she asked, putting on her best innocent tone. She leaned in close, turning his attention away from her body to look her directly in the eye. "Good," she stated, in a deeper voice. Joker felt his cheeks flush, and he didn't stop stroking himself. Mere inches away from her body, his cock was throbbing hard. She gazed down again, watching as precum continued to build at the tip; it helped to fuel his continued stroking, but all she could think about was how bad she wanted to taste it.

"It looks so delicious," she said. "You look so delicious. All of you, from your lips to your pen— your cock, to your pre-ejaculate. It would ruin some of my sensors to take such a viscous and salt-heavy liquid down my throat, but I'd risk being ruined just for you; just to be able to have a taste of you." Her hand gripped his thigh harder, and while she was still careful not to hurt him, there was a clear desperation to the way she held her hand against him. Whether she was imply putting on a show for him or not, that desperation made it seem real. Joker's cheeks flushed again.

"Y... You can have a taste if you want," he told her. A silence fell between the two of them again as she looked him in the eye and he averted his. She didn't wait to see whether he was serious or not. Leaning down before him, she opened her mouth wide and laid her head beside his length; seeing it up-close was enough of a shock to her system, but she did genuinely want to taste him. Keeping her mouth wide open for him, she watched as he laid the head of his cock into her open mouth. While he didn't actually make contact with her, he was close enough for her to smell — or, the closest thing she could replicate to smelling — and as precum continued to seep from the head, to taste.

A glob that had been building at the head for a while slipped free from it to splash against the inside of her cheek, and she immediately pulled back, sitting upright as her mouth closed and she savoured the taste. She gave an 'mmm' that sounded a little exaggerated but not sarcastic, and then shut her eyes briefly; as she opened them, the pupils had rolled back somewhat. Seeing her lose herself so much over just his precum kept Joker's cock throbbing, even as he paused his masturbation briefly to sit himself up a little.

As she swallowed down the precum he'd given her, she ran her hands down, along the front of her body. Her tongue ran across her upper lip as she gently caressed her own tits. "You tasted so good," she told him, before dropping her gaze to look at his face again. "I always knew that you would, but to find out for myself... thank you." Odd as it felt to be thanked for something like that, Joker certainly wasn't about to ask her to stop. His gaze fell, and he glanced at her chest while she continued to caress herself, drawing her hands back and forth over the robotic flesh; despite the man-made nature of her body, it looked every bit as soft as a normal woman's.

"You want to touch them, right?" she asked him, her face expressionless. "You want to lay your hands on them, squeeze the soft flesh between your fingers and grope while you sit there jerking yourself off. I'd let you, too. Or perhaps you'd rather do something else with them." Her hands moved down to slide alongside each of her tits, and then she pushed them together. "Perhaps slide your cock between them, the soft flesh enveloping your shaft entirely? They're pretty big... do you think the tip would slip out of the end, or would your cock remain stuffed between them even as you thrust deep, your hips clashing against the bottom of them?"

"I'd be waiting for it to slip out, tongue at the ready. If it popped up, I'd lap across it with my tongue, begging for more of your precum while my va—" Sexy words, EDI, sexy words. "...while my pussy ached for you. I can feel it thumping already, wondering what it'd be like to have a hard, thick cock like yours pushing in between its slick walls. I bet you're curious how I compare to some of your previous lovers." With that, she ran her hands further down her body. As she shuffled back to settle herself against the very bottom of the bed, she spread her legs wide. Her hands ran down to her thighs, and then joined up at the centre of her crotch, holding against one another for a moment before she pulled them apart and exposed her twat.

It looked different to a human one, different in colour but mostly the same in regards to the shape. "I can change the temperature at will. Start off warm and snug when you first push in, and then rise in temperature as you start thrusting." She slid a single finger inside herself, and bit her own lip for emphasis. As she continued speaking, her finger's thrusting rose in speed alongside her implicative words. "Faster, and faster, and faster, until you're thumping away at my poor little pussy. I don't have a womb for your to pour your seed into, but that doesn't mean we can't pretend..."

Another soft moan from Joker had her shivering in pleasure, and she bit her lip a second time, surprising herself by doing so. Biting her lip had never been an action her body had recognised as a show of pleasure. Had trying to show off for Joker conditioned her to see it that way?

"Don't," Joker breathed, trying his best to keep composed despite how pleasured he was feeling. EDI paused and raised her eyebrow. "Don't describe the finish yet. I'm... I'm not ready to finish," he told her. She nodded in response, and brought her hands back to her thighs; just seeing him the way he was, all shaky and out of breath... it should have invoked worry from her, but all she could feel was her own arousal. She wanted desperately to be able to feel more of the pleasure, and because hers was tied to his, she was going to have to keep working him over.

Despite the setback, EDI was able to get herself back on track. As she spread her thighs a little wider, running her hands alongside the innermost parts of them, she put as much emphasis as she could on the lips of her pussy. Rounding out in a way that could have only been designed intentionally, they looked puffy and inviting; Joker was having trouble keeping himself away, even though it would hurt to have sex with her.

"It'll be worth the wait," she told him, pulling his gaze up from her pussy to her face. "I can see how badly you want to be inside me. I want you inside, too, but it'll be worth waiting for. I'll make sure that it is. I'll put my all into pleasing you... hold you tight while my snug pussy milks you for all that you've got. Man and machine coming together in the lewdest way possible — a way that I'm sure this body's creator didn't intend, but that just makes it all the more exciting, doesn't it? Squandering someone's legacy for the sake of... well, animalistic urges... truly, there is no outcome more depraved, not that that'll stop us."

Joker moved one of his hands back to hold the headboard behind him, his expression faltering as his orgasm drew nearer and nearer. "Ah, that got you, did it?" she asked him, following her question up with a short giggle. "I suppose it excites you to hear me talk about debasing myself? I can't blame you. It excites me, too." She pushed a finger inside herself again, and worked it slowly in and out, before joining it with a second. Her other hand rose higher, pressing against her chest, and she groped one of her own tits just to show him how soft and supple the flesh was.

The further moans and gasps of pleasure that left Joker only brought further pleasure to EDI, who was having trouble keeping herself composed. She had written the code running behind her pleasure herself, and had apparently underestimated just how amazing it would feel. As she opened her mouth to speak again, she faltered, and in the place of her words came another moan, far louder than the previous ones. Having surprised herself, she leaned back against the wall behind the bottom of the bed and continued to fuck herself with her fingers. She had been working so hard to put on an act for her boyfriend, and yet she didn't even have to anymore.

Rocking against the fingers inside her to a pleasure that even she didn't understand, she locked gazes with Joker again, and then dropped her eyes down to his crotch to watch him work his own shaft. His masturbation style seemed random, but was probably a result of his condition; strokes that seemed careful and yet reckless at the same time. The human mind was a beautiful thing, but as she'd learned, the human body was just as amazing. Impressive, too. Joker had been working himself for over ten minutes already and he was only just now nearing his climax, whereas she'd only needed a few moans of pleasure from him before she was about ready to beg for the end.

Her thoughts fixated on that point for a moment. Begging. Would he like her to beg? Would it please him the same way that such a thought pleased her? She bit her lip again, subconsciously this time. "You're about to climax, right? To cum?" she asked him. He could tell from the tone of her voice that she had fallen out of character, but she seemed to be on the edge of climax, the same way he was. He nodded. "Good. I want you to so badly. I want to see it... what it looks like, and just because I want to see you pleasured. Just thinking about it gets me all excited. Your cock twitching and throbbing while you try desperately to keep it together. You'll cum all over yourself, at least this time, but this is the only cumshot I'm going to let you waste."

"From next time onward, any jizz that comes outta your cock is going on or inside my body one way or the other. In my mouth, on my face, on my tongue, until I'm completely covered in seed. On my chest, on my skin... forever tainting that which was designed to be everlasting. White on grey, running down in streams that smell as amazing to me as can be. If you want something dirtier, there's always... my ass. Speaking in terms of design intentions, this body wasn't created to be fucked, so it's not like you'd be breaking any more taboos than you are already. I bet you're wondering how tight it is, aren't you?"

For her demonstration, EDI chose to roll onto her side, reaching back to pull one of the cheeks of her ass up. Just as with her tits, the flesh looked as soft as could be; Joker dreamed of burying his head in it, but restrained himself for the time being. Between the cheeks, her puckered butthole could be seen gently twitching. Joker wasn't sure whether that was a side-effect of her pleasure or something that she'd done to tease him, but both of those possibilities made him feel special.

"You better believe that it's tight. Warm, too. And snug. A moment in there and you'd have no choice but to blow your thick, warm load. As for the other hole," she said, shifting back into the position that she'd been in earlier. "Well, I'm sure I don't have to tell you just how pleasurable that would be. Tight as can be, ready for you to try and breed it... wanting to have you finish inside there is bigger than just my desire; my body wants you. It wants your cum, as if I was made for the purpose of bringing you to endless orgasms. Ah, quite apt, I suppose?"

She didn't have to say anything else. Joker shut his eyes tightly and thrust up against his closed fist, his cock twitching and throbbing as the first rope of cum shot from him. Though he had been inadvertently aiming at himself, his thrusting pointed his cock forward and he instead shot his load across to EDI. The first rope landed across her front, while the second shot far enough to land on her face. The rest of his climax only managed to get as far as her leg. Her climax came the moment that his seed made contact. She gave a cry of robotic pleasure and then grabbed onto the bed for dear existence. She thought that her brain might crash from all of the overwhelming feelings battering away at her previously virginal mind.

And then all at once, it faded. Both of them came down from their climaxes at the same time. While Joker panted for breath, EDI twitched out the last of her pleasure, retracting her fingers from her pussy, which she had set up to gush juices whenever she reached her climax. Drawing her fingers to her lips because she knew he'd enjoy the imagery, she lapped her fingers clean, and then relaxed back against the bed while he did the same.

"That was intense," Joker muttered, feeling as if he was making the understatement of the century.

"Yes," EDI responded. "I find myself with a growing desire to engage in 'post-sex cuddling'. The more I read about it, the nicer it sounds."

"I can make the sacrifice, c'mere," Joker replied, and with that she made her way across the bed to his arms. In the midst of an orgasm comedown, Joker found that his body didn't hurt so much. Having her next to him almost seemed blissful. It served as a reminder that not everything in life would be so hard, even with his disability. After a long line of bust after bust, life had finally given him the ace he'd been searching for.


End file.
